Monthly Archives: December 2014

Well… That was Traumatizing

There is nothing worse than being home alone and discovering there has been a huge, gross spider invasion. That is what happened to me. The worst part? The spider was not in a trappable area. My technique in the past for dealing with unwanted creepy crawlies would be to cover said icky-ness with a cup or mug. Something so that the unwanted gross bug could not escape. I felt more secure with this – the bug couldn’t get to me if it was covered up. But of course this was not possible with the spider crawling all over my coffee maker.

I took a deep breath and realized I needed to handle the situation like an adult. So I texted FH and beg him to come home and kill the spider. He didn’t answer. Then I texted Dad and begged him to drive to my house and kill the spider. He did answer, but did not agree to come save me. So I did the next best thing. I pushed my chair as far away from my desk as I could and I cried out that it was so gross.

Every time the spider moved I was convinced that it was preparing to attack me. It moved really quickly too, so I was actively keeping my eyes on it (the only thing worse than seeing a spider is not knowing where it went after initially spotting it). While I watched the spider’s progress I continued to yell at my animals that it was so gross and that one of them needed to kill it.

Then panic set in as the spider moved down off my coffee maker onto my desk and under the Marshall University Marco the Bison keychain. Then I lost him. My heart was racing and in my panic I picked up Gir-Kitty. I moved around my desk and found the spider crawling on the side. So I did the obvious thing. I tried to throw my cat at the spider. After all, he’s caught mice before and has the special ability to catch moths and flies. A spider should easily be conquered and killed by the kitty, but he was not cooperating. What a useless jerk.

The spider started to move up the side of the desk. I continued to cry out how gross the spider was and how big and icky. But I knew I had to take advantage of the spider being where it was. I picked up a box that was on the floor and while repeating “Ewwwwww! Ew, Ew, Ewww!!!!” I smushed the box against the spider and held it there. I hoped and prayed that the box had demolished the spider but I was still afraid to move the box on the off chance that it was an immortal spider and would retaliate against me. I took a deep breath and removed the box. The spider was dead. Hurrah!! I did it!!

Later on when FH came home I told him I needed a favor. I had done all the hard work killing the spider. It was up to him to wipe the spider guts off the side of my desk. He rolled his eyes at me, but indulged my craziness and removed all evidence of a dead spider off the side of my desk. Whew. I have to say, I’m proud that I killed the spider, but I sure as hell don’t want to have to do anything like that ever again.

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