Monthly Archives: May 2015

Cats Are Jerks

So back in February I started a blog post about how cats are jerks. I didn’t finish it then, but after the events of last night I was inspired to write. What happened last night? Well, let me tell you…

First, a bit of background: I have three cats. There was an incident where one cat tried to kill the other cat and they no longer get along. Like cannot-be-in-the-same-room sort of not getting along. I’ve tried just about everything to get these cats to behave in a civilized manner. I have discussed the problem on, I was directed to Jackson Galaxy (the cat whisperer)’s site and learned all about reintroducing two cats. It doesn’t seem to work for mine. So DibKitty and ZimKitty cannot be in the same room. We have an extra bedroom on the third floor that we keep one of them in and we have a baby gate set up so they can be close while eating their food but not touching. Every day I swap them out in one way or another. If I’m working from home I’ll let Zim out on a leash and bring him into my study with me. If I’m in the city, I’ll usually put Dib in the room before bedtime and then before I leave for work I switch them again. Since Zim is the instigator of these problems he tends to spend most nights in the room. If possible, I like to swap them every couple of hours so neither of them is stuck in isolation for long, but it doesn’t always work out that way. It’s a huge pain in the butt, but I’m not sure what else there is to do. We’ve tried medication, we’ve tried herbal remedies, and we’ve tried over and over and over again to reintroduce these cats. I’m kind of beside myself, but I’m not the type of person to give up easily and I’m certainly not the type of person to just drop my cat off at the shelter when the going gets tough. So, the two cats do not get along.

When I feed the cats, I have them eat their food on either side of a baby gate. We got said gate off of craiglist and it’s incomplete, so it kind of just balances there and isn’t secure. Usually I sit beside the cats while they eat their food to watch their behavior and see how things are going. Recently, I’ve taken to leaving the door open just a little bit with the gate still up so that the cats can spend a little more time seeing the others without being locked up tight. FH has warned me that this is a bad idea, but I don’t listen. Last night, I forgot that I had left the door open after I put Dib in the room. We went to get dinner and when we got home we went to bed and that was that… until around 2am when Dib leapt to freedom. I heard the baby gate crash, the sound of food bowls going everywhere, the sound of cat feet running around the house, and then to top it off, the sound of two cats fighting to the death. AWESOME. So I had to get out of bed and go find the cats and put one back in isolation at two in the morning. Like I said, cats are jerks. And now the very expensive bowls I bought for them are broken. I’m kidding, we got them at the dollar store. Still, now we need to get them new bowls. Bunch of jerks.

So that was last night. Below is the original post that I wrote back in February.

Cats are Jerks. There, I’ve said it. I’m sure that the majority of people out there (both cat owners and non-cat owners alike) can relate. There is plenty video evidence to support my claims. Why am I exclaiming this today? Oh, there is a very specific reason. You see, I’ve been working remotely and since there is no one home most of the time to take care of me I have to take care of myself. This means some creative solutions to all sorts of situations. But one relatively simple solution is to fill bottles of water to bring to my desk as opposed to a cup. Because a bottle of water can easily be put in my hoodie pocket or a backpack or if I’m lucky, it’s one with a strap that can fit around my finger. This allows me to use my crutches and have water! But Mondays are different.

See, FH has Sundays and Mondays off from work. So he’s home when I’m working. And, okay, I guess I bug him a bit when he is around. (I only nag because I love you. And because you don’t do what I ask the first time). Today was just like any other day, I asked FH to bring me tea supplies and fill up the coffee pot with water so I could make tea. Then I pretty much left him alone. (Well, after I asked him to clean the tub and mop the floor…) Because I’m a super nice and wonderful fiancée I offered to make him lunch when I made myself lunch. Afterwards, I requested a bit of help bringing up the cup of water that I had been using during lunch. So he brought the water upstairs and put on my desk.

Here is where cats are jerks. I know that they walk on my stuff. I know this. I know that they stick their little heads in my cups to drink my water. I use preventative measures like putting a piece of paper over the top of the water when I walk away. Cat barrier. I had some fruit on my desk from this morning and when I went to eat it I realized that someone (GirKitty) had bitten my grapes and a few strawberries. What a jerk. I avoided the parts that he had gnawed and ate my fruit. I drank a sip of water and determined that I had to empty my bladder. So I left my office and crutched over to the bathroom. About two seconds after I had pulled down my pants I heard a crash followed by a sound of rushing water.

Sitting there I knew that one of two scenarios had just played out. Either the cats had finally knocked over my plant that has a substantial amount of water in it and spilled it. Or they had knocked over my cup of water sitting on my desk. Sitting on my desk right next to my computer and several other electronics. Guess which it was? Like I said. Cats are jerks.

Luckily the computer survived the incident in February and I learned my lesson about open water. The food bowls did not survive last night’s incident, but I would say once again I have learned my lesson. All in all, it’s safe to say that without a doubt, cats are jerks. Just look at how broken the bowls are!