So. I got married, right? And I decided to change my name. And that’s when everything went downhill. If you’re unaware, changing one’s name is probably the hardest thing to do. And I’m pretty sure that these different places that I needed to go to change my name decided to fuck with me and make it the worst experience ever.
The first thing you need to do is change your name with the social security office. I checked online, found a place, went there, waited in line for over an hour, and was told that I needed to go to the social security office by my house. Awesome. So I looked online and was told to go to this one location. I called and spoke with someone and was told to go to the same location. So I went to that location and despite being reassured that they would be open on Black Friday, they were not. I went the Monday afterwards and after spending about two hours in line, was told that I needed to go to a different location. Awesome. At this point, I was beyond exasperated and so I decided to mail in my forms. This meant putting my ACTUAL passport in the mail. Very uncomfortable – but I got a call from the social security office a few days later and learned that I sent it to the wrong office! Awesome. Luckily, they forwarded my stuff to the right office and a few weeks later, I had my new social security card. That actually was awesome.
Next step, get my license and passport updated. Yesterday I went to the DMV. The first place I went to was supposed to be open at 8:30am. They weren’t. I stayed for 45 minutes and they still weren’t open. I’m guessing that they decided to close because of Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. But that is on Monday, and the post office is open today, so why the fuck would the DMV be closed? But this was a revelation I reached later.
After this mess, I called The Crazy Lady and she gave me two other addresses of places that would be open on Saturday to update my license. So the first one I went to, found it, parked, walked over, and the sign on the door said they would only be open the first and last Saturdays of each month. HELPFUL FUCKING INFORMATION. At this point, I’m determined. I’m going to get this taken care of. So I go to the other address Crazy Lady sent. And they don’t open until ten, so I stop at a café across the street to get some breakfast. The empty stomach was only increasing the likelihood that I would stab someone. After chatting with the guys at this place (who may have brought something besides tea back from Colorado) they recommended a blended herbal tea that was amazing. It was soooooo delicious that it almost made the madness of my morning worth it. I enjoyed a pretty tasty breakfast sandwich too. After eating, I went across the street, brought my paperwork up to the desk and was told that I needed to bring my social security card with me. AWESOME! More determined than ever, I go home and get my social security card and drive back. I get there, wait a little while longer, and then am told that I can’t actually do all the stuff at that location because they’re an outside vendor, not the actual DMV and they can process my paperwork and get me a camera card, but ultimately I would still need to go to the DMV. So the guy I was working with told me three times that if it were him, he would go to the DMV to do it all at once. Never being one that had to be told to take a hint, I decided to heed his advice.
So my name has been officially changed, but my license doesn’t reflect that at the moment. Or my passport. Or my registration or my bank info, or so many other things. I don’t know about you, but I’m starting to feel like someone out there is messing with me. Am I being personally victimized? It seems quite probable…