Tag Archives: adventure

Hunting Blondes at Wawa

 

For those of you that don’t know, I started a new job recently. One of the nice things about this job is that it is about five minutes from Wawa. Although I try to pack lunch when I can, sometimes that doesn’t work out and I go to Wawa. Yesterday was one of those days.

It started off simply enough, I was driving back from dropping off some paperwork at the doctor and headed in the direction of Wawa. I was behind a silver CRV and while driving around the bend I noticed that of the three brake lights cars have only one was working. That’s kind of a problem – and it isn’t likely that this car owner knew. So I made a decision. I decided that it was my mission to find this person and inform them that their brake lights were out. Of course this was all banking on the idea that the CRV turned into the Wawa parking lot. I wasn’t about to go on a crazy adventure. Lo and behold – the CRV pulled into the Wawa parking lot.

I followed the car around the building and then a spot opened up that the CRV had already past, so I parked and tried to get a good look at the car owner as I walked into Wawa. I could tell that the driver was a woman and that she was blonde. I assumed that would be plenty of information and I could tell her about her brakes.

Upon entering Wawa, I looked around. There were blonde women everywhere. Wawa was crowded as usual and I almost gave up. I then thought about making an announcement to the whole of the Wawa population. Finally I decided to just start somewhere, so I went up to a blonde woman and asked if she drove a CRV. She said yes. I told her that her brake lights were out except for the third one. Her face was full of panic and upset as she confirmed that her black CRV was the one I was talking about. I said no, it was a silver CRV with the brake lights out. She was relieved and informed me that her car had just gotten back from the shop. She then wished me luck. It was then that I realized at least two of the many blonde women in the Wawa I was currently standing in owned a CRV.

Another person would have given up, but at that point I had already invested my time in finding the owner of the silver CRV with the brake lights out. I asked two other blonde women and they did not own a CRV. Finally, I found her. I told her, and she was so grateful. And just like that, my mission was complete.

Advertisements

How to Give Your Cat A Pill: A Short Narrative

I know I just did a post about the cats, but I need to share. It’s been established before that my cats are jerks. The conflict between ZimKitty and DibKitty has been going on for what seems like forever. I discussed some of the things that we’ve tried to get them to get along, one of those things being medication. Now, giving medication to a cat is no easy feat. In fact, it is nearly impossible. Let me elaborate.

The first medication that we started Zim on was back in June I think. (Yep, this has been going on for over a year). How I gave it to him was, I would lock him in the bathroom with me and basically sit on him. Not all my weight – but I had my legs tucked around him with my feet connected so he couldn’t scoot out from under me. Then I would squeeze the sides of his mouth to make them open with my left hand and stick the pill as far back in his throat as possible with my right hand. More often than not, this failed and he would spit the pill out. So I would sit on him again, and shove the pill down his throat again, and watch him spit it out again, until it was so dissolved from his saliva that I would have to get a new pill. I tried holding his scruff with one hand and shoving the pill down his throat with the other, but more often than not he would scratch my arms up with his back claws and I would get all bloody and he still wouldn’t have had his pill. The fun thing was that the first medication didn’t even work. If anything, Zim became more aggressive.

The vet suggested a different medication and I requested it in a liquid form because I thought that would be easier. Just squirt it in the back of his mouth, right? Well it wasn’t quite that simple. I tried just holding his scruff with one hand and squirting it with the other. That didn’t work. Then I remembered that when he was a kitten we wrapped him in a blanket in order to give him antibiotics. So I gathered the same blanket that I used before and swaddled him in it. I wrapped him up nice and tight. Then I tried to squirt the liquid in his mouth and he kept moving enough that it got everywhere but in his mouth. It got on the couch, the towel, my pants, my hands, my arms, my face (once when he coughed it up seconds after I sprayed it in his mouth), and on the cat’s fur…it was a mess. I tried putting it in some wet food, but he didn’t like that at all. I didn’t notice any change in his behavior, so I gave that up as well.

Then on Friday we were at the vet for the animals’ annual checkups. That’s how I spent my Friday night – hauling three cats and a dog to the vet, so much fun! Anyway, after Zim had sliced my hand up pretty well with his back claws the vet asked about his aggression. (This was a different doctor than the one we have seen in the past). We told the whole story about the progression of his aggression problems. The vet suggested a stronger medication. She said that there was a small chance that he would have a negative reaction to the medication, but that it was unlikely, and at this point we’re kind of desperate for some harmony in our home so it’s worth the risk. So I asked if she had suggestions on how to give the pill to the cat since it has been so challenging in the past. And she mentions pill pockets. And OH MY GOD they work SO WELL!

The pill pocket is a treat that looks like a tiny volcano. You put the pill in the center and the pinch it at the top and it is completely surrounded by a treat that the cat just devours! I almost cried it was so easy. I don’t know why no one told me about this before, but I feel the need to tell the world. Maybe this time, Zim will react well to the drug, stop being a homicidal jerk, and my home will be at peace once again. Even if it doesn’t work, the world needs to know. Pill pockets – what an amazing creation. Tell everyone. THIS is how you give a cat a pill. So amazingly easy, I’m already feeling more peaceful.

Well… That was Traumatizing

There is nothing worse than being home alone and discovering there has been a huge, gross spider invasion. That is what happened to me. The worst part? The spider was not in a trappable area. My technique in the past for dealing with unwanted creepy crawlies would be to cover said icky-ness with a cup or mug. Something so that the unwanted gross bug could not escape. I felt more secure with this – the bug couldn’t get to me if it was covered up. But of course this was not possible with the spider crawling all over my coffee maker.

I took a deep breath and realized I needed to handle the situation like an adult. So I texted FH and beg him to come home and kill the spider. He didn’t answer. Then I texted Dad and begged him to drive to my house and kill the spider. He did answer, but did not agree to come save me. So I did the next best thing. I pushed my chair as far away from my desk as I could and I cried out that it was so gross.

Every time the spider moved I was convinced that it was preparing to attack me. It moved really quickly too, so I was actively keeping my eyes on it (the only thing worse than seeing a spider is not knowing where it went after initially spotting it). While I watched the spider’s progress I continued to yell at my animals that it was so gross and that one of them needed to kill it.

Then panic set in as the spider moved down off my coffee maker onto my desk and under the Marshall University Marco the Bison keychain. Then I lost him. My heart was racing and in my panic I picked up Gir-Kitty. I moved around my desk and found the spider crawling on the side. So I did the obvious thing. I tried to throw my cat at the spider. After all, he’s caught mice before and has the special ability to catch moths and flies. A spider should easily be conquered and killed by the kitty, but he was not cooperating. What a useless jerk.

The spider started to move up the side of the desk. I continued to cry out how gross the spider was and how big and icky. But I knew I had to take advantage of the spider being where it was. I picked up a box that was on the floor and while repeating “Ewwwwww! Ew, Ew, Ewww!!!!” I smushed the box against the spider and held it there. I hoped and prayed that the box had demolished the spider but I was still afraid to move the box on the off chance that it was an immortal spider and would retaliate against me. I took a deep breath and removed the box. The spider was dead. Hurrah!! I did it!!

Later on when FH came home I told him I needed a favor. I had done all the hard work killing the spider. It was up to him to wipe the spider guts off the side of my desk. He rolled his eyes at me, but indulged my craziness and removed all evidence of a dead spider off the side of my desk. Whew. I have to say, I’m proud that I killed the spider, but I sure as hell don’t want to have to do anything like that ever again.

The Microwave Pen

I’ve run into a slight problem with my microwave. It happened a while ago actually. The start button kind of broke. Initially, what happened was the paper-thin piece of plastic that said ‘start’ broke off. But the plastic piece behind that was still intact.

This first problem had a relatively easy solution. We just had to be careful about pushing the button the correct way. If we pushed it at an odd angle, the button would not work. No big deal. FH and I got used to this.

After a few weeks, we barely noticed the problem. It wasn’t even an inconvenience so much anymore. It was just a little quirk we had to deal with. There are quite a few quirks that have to be dealt with in our home, so one more did not seem like a big deal.

Then one day, I was heating up some food in the microwave. I went to push the button and I hit it too hard. And the whole thing fell inside the microwave. Luckily, I was able to realize with my strong observational skills that there is a sensor behind the button. The sensor was still intact.

After making this discovery, I realized that we had another problem with a relatively easy solution. The only thing is, I feel like in general it is a good rule of thumb to not stick your fingers inside things like microwaves. So how to reach the sensor? I was pleased to find yet another ingenious solution.

Now, when we need to heat something up in the microwave, we simply use a pen that has been designated ‘the microwave pen’. We stick the pen (plastic = doesn’t conduct) through the hole that used to be a button until we hit the sensor. Voila! Good as new. Or maybe… it might be time to get a new microwave.

Book Signings – Part Two

Last week I began to tell my story about how I went on an adventure (all the way out in NJ) to meet one of my favorite authors. We left off at the book signing. This is what happened next.

After Brad Parks did his reading, told his jokes, sang his songs, the actual signing began. I was planning on hanging out for a bit, so I just hung back while everyone else got their books signed. He took pictures (so mad that I didn’t think of that), told stories, answered more questions, and signed books. Once the line had died down, I went up to him and he asked if we were going for that beer. I’m fairly certain there was a grin on my face from ear to ear. I played it off very cool of course, and told him I would be up for that. (Right…)

I sat down next to the table he was signing at while he finished up his ‘author-duties’ and shook the last couple of hands, plus signed some copies to be left at the bookstore. Then, Brad Parks asked the woman who owned the shop where we could get a drink around here. Turns out that there were two places in the entire town with a license to serve alcohol, so we went to the place that wasn’t T.G.I. Fridays. I do not remember the name of the place but it was nice.

We pulled up two stools at the bar, and ordered some drinks. Sadly, they did not have Blue Moon on tap (or anything on tap) and so I broke my ‘no tonic’ rule (again with the lent) and ordered a vodka tonic. Brad had a beer. And we got to talking.

A lot of what we discussed had nothing to do with the fact that I am an aspiring writing while he is a published author and therefore should have *some* connections that I could use to my advantage. Instead, we talked about his family and we talked about The Boyfriend. I told him all about my cats and my dog because I’m that person. I learned that there is no cat named ‘Deadline’ (the cat’s name in the Carter Ross series) but there is a cat named ‘Scoop’. Apparently his cats didn’t get along well with his son when he was little so they now live with his parents. He now has a beta fish. I informed him – dipping into the font of useless knowledge that I have – that if he held a mirror up to the bowl the fish would spread his fins and prepare to attack. I also told him that baby elephants suck on their trunks like human babies suck on their thumbs, once again with the useless knowledge. I then told him that penguins have an organ above their eyes that convert seawater to freshwater. His reaction? “They can save the humans!” There is no denying that Brad is a funny guy.

On relationships: Brad told me that he doesn’t care what anyone tells you, sex is a great foundation for a relationship. Apparently, if Gwyneth Paltrow or Rihanna came up to him propositioning sex, he would say no thanks, I’d rather be with my wife. Admirable, if a bit strange. I also learned that Brad met his wife when he was nineteen and didn’t get married until he was thirty. So The Boyfriend and I aren’t all that different in that respect. Although I do plan on tying the knot before I’m thirty, fingers crossed and all. We will see.

On writing: We did discuss writing a bit. He told me to stop making fucking excuses and sit down and write! He cursed a lot, but it was funny. I was informed that I have to sit down, write a book, and then throw it away because it isn’t going to be published. According to the wise Brad Parks, no one has their first novel published. Because of this insider info, I have decided to pause my one novel because I really like the character and write a whole new book (9,000 words and counting…), which is going pretty well. Sometimes, you just need a stranger to give you that kick in the ass to get you started.

On authors: I learned some very interesting inside details about some authors that I admire whom Brad has met. I learned that (unsurprisingly) Ken Follett is a boss. He sounds like a really cool person to meet and hopefully, some day, I will! I learned that a certain author who loves alliterations is a real dick. He apparently got his panties in a twist over the lack of his particular rum not being present at the party he had to (gasp) share a limo to. I learned that Charlaine Harris is a total sweetheart that spends her money on books now that she has it. (I very much enjoyed Brad’s southern accent as he impersonated her). We discussed various authors and I got a few names out of him of new people that I have to read now. There really is something about meeting someone who shares that same affinity for reading that makes time fly.

And that is where we ran into some issues…time did fly and The Boyfriend expected me home around 9 or 10. At 10, he asked jokingly if he had invited me up to his hotel room yet. I am a very sarcastic person, I know – shocking, and so I responded in a sarcastic manner. You know what doesn’t come off over texts? Sarcasm. So when I said, ‘yeah, that’s what happened’ well… The Boyfriend didn’t take too kindly to that. I thought it was kind of funny that he would suggest that because (no offense Brad) but the guy I was hanging out with and enjoying discussing everything is not exactly my type. He’s closer to Dad’s age then he is to mine and he reminds me a lot of Dad. I love my Dad and all, but I’m not planning on having an affair with someone who reminds me of him. All that, on top of the fact that I love The Boyfriend very much and would never do anything to hurt him made the whole suggestion a little ridiculous to me.

Finding the text about the hotel room amusing, I shared it with Brad. At this point, I was about to burst so I ran to the bathroom. Leaving my phone with Brad. The Boyfriend called twice and Brad ignored it. Not sure it would have been better if he had answered…either way, The Boyfriend was getting a little pissed. He had asked what the plan was. Brad thought he ought to respond to this message. His text? “She’s coming back to my place and we’re going to make like it’s discovery channel. What do you think is the plan?” This did not go over well AT ALL, as I’m sure anyone can imagine. So The Boyfriend got in his car and drove all the way to Jersey.

Side note: During the book signing, Brad mentioned that he would love a stalker so he could get better publicity. “Just ignore the restraining order when I have a new book coming out”. I told him later that he came close to getting that publicity he wanted. Of course, it had the possible side effect of The Boyfriend kicking his ass and possibly being thrown in jail.

I guess it worked out for the best that Brad and I parted ways (and yes, I did drive the wrong way out of the parking lot) soon after that. We actually stayed at the restaurant until it closed. It was a lot of fun. At the point, I had almost no battery left. This was a big problem because I had no idea how to get home. In a way, it was a good thing that The Boyfriend got all jealous and drove to ‘rescue’ me from the preying author because otherwise, I might still be wandering around Jersey, lost. I called The Boyfriend to let him know I was on my way home and he told me he was almost to me. I was shocked because he really isn’t the jealous type at all but at the same time I was kind of impressed. Sometimes I find it hard to believe that people like me – lack of self-esteem – and so his valiant efforts to save me from another man were overall well received. My phone died and I stopped at a bar to use the phone. The Boyfriend came and found me and I followed him home. He wasn’t in the best mood, but I had a great time. Maybe next time I will make sure to keep my phone on my person and call… Either way, it made for a great story and meeting Brad Parks made me realize just how much I want to be a writer. The secret to which is of course, to sit down and fucking write. Thanks for the tip Brad.